Teaser Trailer

I made a mistake yesterday. I'm entering into a short story contest and since my first attempt went 3000 words over the ruled maximum, I'm starting from scratch with less then 2 weeks to complete it. oops. But that was only my first mistake. The one I was referring to is, when trying to decide on a new topic, I told myself their was only 2 things I needed to worry about. First that it fit the theme (endurance) and, that it was centered around a topic I was already very familiar with, since I wouldn't have much time for research. ...I obeyed my first rule? And hey, research is fun. The important thing is, I have my story! One day of skipped school, hours of Internet surfing and 3 library books later, I have my story =)

Since the story has to be really short, I'll be posting it when it's finished (assuming it reaches acceptability) So for a sampling of my fiction work, check back in January. The contest deadline is the 31st so It should be up soon after that.

Thanks for reading!

-Lorain =]

The hand your delt

I know I only posted once last month. I was trying to get one up in that last week of November. I actually tried several times but the post wouldn't pull together. Hopefully tonight it will!

For a couple weeks now I've been working on a story I might be entering in a short story contest that's coming up. The story has come together surprisingly easily and the characters have felt allot more real then I thought would be possible in under 3000 words.

At the start of the story you meet a little girl in Africa who has just lost her mom and will now be placed in an orphanage along with her infant brother. Mean while in America a sixteen year old girl has just found out she's pregnant. She's under extreme pressure and hasn't heard from her boyfriend since the night they hooked up. A well to do girlfriend counsels her, to not tell anyone and have the abortion. The idea appeals to the distraught girl, if for no other reason then that way it's over and she no longer has to deal with it. But it's easier said then done and her background rebukes the idea. In a lame attempt to come up with another solution she brings up that her and her boyfriend weren't total strangers. Maybe he deserved to know. The girlfriend interrupts by saying

"Beth! You need to stop thinking about Eric. You need to think about yourself now. What will happen if you don’t do this?"

First of all how odd that my own fictional character could teach me something...but there it is. "You need to think about yourself now". It's a common phrase of counsel. Maybe even more commonly put is "You need to do what's best for yourself."

I can only assume that this line of thinking comes from the common fascination with psychology. I'm not apposed to psychology as a rule but there does seem to be a flaw in the philosophy of many practicing it. I feel slightly hypocritical writing this having an interest myself in the subjects sociology and behavioral science, but I think the therapy part of it is where we go to far...or at least can go to far. Granted people have real pain and have experienced things that make the rest of there lives difficult but that doesn't give them an excuse. Actually it does give them excuse and that's what the problem is. And even that isn't much of a problem if you leave God out of it. But lately I've been forced to consider this horrifying thought. What if Jesus had done what was best for himself?

I truly believe to be past this time in my life but there was a point not to long ago where things were not easy and I had a heavy sense of superiority toward almost everyone around me. Thankfully I wasn't familiar with this line of thinking at that time. Looking back it's scary to think where I could have gone if I'd had someone telling me to do what's best for myself; because I genuinely felt that things were un-fairly difficult. In being completely honest with myself I can see that I was in a vulnerable situation, and could have easily turned down a bad path. I can only thank God for seeing me through it all.

All this brings to me a huge sense of concern and protectiveness for anyone feeling wronged. I don't know how many times I have heard one of my friends proudly tell me, they've forgiven there parents. This is a hard thing to hear because forgiveness is necessary and the person in question is feeling so good about the difficult step they've just taken; but maybe they have now just created a feeling of superiority to there parent. Not a healthy place to be.

With my new understanding of all this, I hope to be able to be able to truly help some people through tough situations and not just offer them the guidance they can get from facebook flair or Internet quizzes. the difficulty is, I'm also learning it's always dangerous ground to be offering guidance. But just as telling someone to take care of themselves pulls away from Christ the answer to there problem is to pull them towards him.

The gift of compassion that God gives us sometimes trips me up. I want to help everyone and try and fix there problems. The problem is I'm inadequate. The solution, I'm learning, is to not try and give people healing, but to lead them to the healer. To not teach, but to lead others to my Rabbi. To not let myself get convinced that my love is enough for someone lonely but to show them the all fulfilling love of Christ!

Just thought I'd share the thought! Love,

-Lorain

Lie: "Sometimes you have to do what's best for yourself"
Truth: Instead you can...Cast your burdens upon the lord and he will sustain you -psalms 55:22

Three Cups of Tea

Three Cups of Tea

I will now officially do my first book review. If I really understood how this whole blogging thing worked I could probably get payed money for this. I don't so for now, my imaginary followers, be content with a simple review simply to get out some thoughts and questions this book left me with...

First of all, fascinating! I had no idea non-fiction could suck me in like that. The man is incredibly. It's refreshing to hear a story of a hero with no heroesc behavior. He has acomplished amazing things and it's obvious the author of the book has a deep respect for him but it is not a hollywood story. Some times, I think, fiction creates the idea in our head that "things like that couldn't happen in real life." where as maybe some of those "crazy" things aren't so far fetched. But the biggest thing the book left me with was the conformation of something I have held as theory for a long time.

The book does not develop in a chronological order but skips around to eventually fill in the life of Greg Mortenson. A life that eventually lands him, lost and despaired, in a small Pakistani village just outside of K2 called Korphe. When Mortenson wandered in thinking he had reached Askole and would find his guide waiting for him he was greeted by the village nurmadhar or cheif. Mortenson, a foreigner who didn't speak the language, was give a cup of butter tea sweatened with sugar (a treat they rarely aloud themselves) and a place to get some much needed sleep.

With the broken english spoken by the nurmadhar's son and Mortenson's knack for languages they came to the understandings; Mortenson was not in Askole, his destination was Askole and he must stay in Korphe untill he had regained his strength.

This stage of the story was my favorite as Mortenson, who had come to Pakistan as a climber and knew very little about the land and it's people was exsposed to the Balti's relentless hospitality. Mortenson wasn't allowed to feel like an intruider for a minute in fact he was treated more as an honored guest. A parade of  dirty barefoot children followed him where ever he went. Though food was in no way in an abundance, Mortenson did not want for a meal during his stay in Korphe. It is no suprise that he would grow etached to these villagers. Maybe anyone in his circumstance would love these people and hold preciously the memory of the time he spent with them, but Mortenson could not turn a blind eye to these people and there poverty.

One day Mortenson asked to be shown the village's school and was led to a place up a steep path to a open area coated with a layer of snow where huddled 82 children working alone on the lessons there teacher, who only came 3 times a week, had left them with. Mortenson realizing that he was looking at the school he'd asked to see, then and there, with out knowing it, picked the course the rest of his life would take. He took Haji Ali the village numadhar by the shoulders and said "I going to build you a school."

The list of this incredible mans acomplishments is lengthy but the one that impresess me like nothing else was this. Education was and is a huge problem around the world. But Mortenson was here. These people needed him. He didn't know how he would do it, but he would build those children a school and from there would weave his way through Pakistan and eventually Afghanistan. The tag line on the cover of the book is: One Man's Mission to Promote Peace...One School at at Time. And though he would be ridiculed for it he would spend time with the students of each school he built. Learning about them. Learning about there dreams. To Mortenson is was all about the people all about the children.

Great as this book was, it left me with one problem. Through out, it's never quite clear were Mortenson is spiritualy. He acts the way we all think a christian should but never professes God and calls himself a humanitarian. He "accepts" the religions he encounters and even goes through there rituals for prayer to Allah. He meets so many people, touches so many lifes it's crazy to think what could have happened if he'd told everyone of those greatfull villages that his love came from christ!

Even still I'm inspired by his acomplishments and as I said before his list of acomplishments is no short story. And every person that his story reaches and inspires adds to that list. I would like to add that he has made me confident that it is all about people. Not in groups but as individuals. That when you take the time to actually know someone and respect there ways you find the gate to really making a differance!

"...love is all that matters..."

-Lorain

"Individual glory is insignificant when compared to achieving victory as a team." -Dot Richardson

If I had never tasted bitter sweet, I now have. Last night was a night that I'm always going to remember. I don't know a good thing to compare it to so maybe you can't understand unless you've had a similar experience...

After 4 grueling close games, my teammates all hugged each other and took a "victory trot" around the gym.

All the fans had congratulations and either a hi five or a hug. Everyone was grinning and snapping pictures.

For a moment away from the celebrations I limped into the locker room, to try and make some sense of the emotions I felt. For the brief minute I stood there un-intterupted, I stared in the mirror. I didn't cry, though it seemed that was what my body was telling me to do. My season was over. My high school volleyball career was over. I'd made it through the whole game with my knee catching on every step. We won! I got a real hit, something that hasn't happened since I switched to all time setter. I had a block, a weakness of mine. I served out the final points. The success of the day was to great to be sad. But hugging all my girls and knowing I would never play with all of them again made it hard to keep myself  in the celebratory mood.

My coach has made it clear she expects me on the bench with her next year and there is an adult league that I already sub in every now and then, so this is defiantly not goodbye to the sport. But in a way it is to the team I've been growing with for the last three years.

It's not all sadness because the same way you can't hurt unless you've loved, you can't miss unless you've enjoyed. Enjoy seems an under statement. I've had a blast. My teammates and my coaches are the best! I love you guys :) Go Lady Hawks!!!

Fix You

Lie: Stories with happy ending are the most enjoyable.

I don't know how many people I've met who can't stand anything but a perfect ending. For some reason I've always loved the melancholy of sad stories. I'm not sure I'll be able to explain it because any time I've tried some one's had an answer to my point that makes perfect sense. Like when I say "sad makes things more believable" I get some one saying
     "It's fiction, I go there to escape the real world." Or one time I thought it was poetic to say that the sad things make the happy moments even more beautiful. The friend I was talking to quickly came back with
     "O yeah sad things happening in stories is fine as long as it's just building up to everything working out fine in the end." That had me stumped for awhile, until I came across yet another despairing thing that literally took my breath away with it's beauty. It was a dance I saw performed. The choreographer put it to the song Fix You by Coldplay. It was danced by just one man and one women. The women was going through some kind of problem, what kind of problem, sickness, heartache or what ever else was left up to the imagination, and the man, connected in a way also left up to the imagination, was forced to sit by with no real way to help, nothing to do but watch someone he loves so much pain.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvGceaFTne8

 
 Wow! I can't count how many time's I've felt that way. Fix is the perfect word. I just wanta fix them, but I've tried everything I know and they are still so out of reach! And then it hit me. This is why I love the sadness in stories, songs and dances. Because it express the way I feel for me. It simplifies it so that I understand were my own hurt is coming from. I wanta shout "Yes! Yes! that's what I've been trying to say God! That's how I feel."

Misery loves company is more then a cliche. It's the truth about human nature. We want to be understood, and loneliness makes everything else hurt that much more. When someone else can take pain so closely related to you're own and weave it into something beautiful it has the ability to give you so much hope. Hope that you can pull you're self out of the ditch. Because for one you're not the first to be there and two, because now it puts the problem in a clearer light and finally, it makes sense and the situation no longer feels so helpless.
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Lie: Stories with happy endings are the most enjoyable
Truth: Stories with "bad" endings are the works of true poets

A Bowl of Popcorn

Last Saturday. 4 days ago my oldest sister finally got married. I say finally because each step of her relationship seemed to drag on and on. Even the step before he was in her life. In each section, whether it be friendship, courtship or engagement everyone involved looked forward to the next. But now she has reached the final stage and is married to a guy she's completely in love with. For her I can only assume it's bliss! For me however, it feels weird.

     
for the longest time while she was engaged we said not much would change, “she’s never around anyway”. But I’m realizing now that’s not necessarily true. There’s all those families you meet and think you know, then find out later they have an older sibling who you’ve never even heard of. That’s gonna be us. New people we meet will assume Katie is the oldest. There’s no longer the Watt 10. No free ride into work. Only 4 girls will fight for the bathroom etc. Etc. None of them are big things, but they add up. Like right now I'm eating a bowl of popcorn and it feels so strange, Melody and I always make and eat popcorn together. Not the fake microwave stuff, the kind you have to cook on the stove, that's a real pain but so worth it. I’m not sad that things are changing but things are changing. It may end up being exactly what our family needs But that doesn't make it easy to adjust.

This isn't the first big change that has happened lately and with starting up my senior year next week, I know there's more to come...no matter what I do to try and stop it...


Dear Change, we meet again. I'm learning these encounters are impossible to avoid as your tactics are completely unpredictable. Some times you attack suddenly and strike quickly. Others you advance slowly letting me have time to contemplate my doom. Either way the blow is sharp. After all these years I've met my match and surrender myself .
     If my pride may have one dying wish it is that you deal with me gently, I see slowly is not an option. I dare not hope to see the day I do not shudder in your presence but if I could one day see the beauties in you great beast I could be an even greater servant, happily singing your praises. My request does not require an answer. I am certain Time will tell me in your stead.  
      I'll remain until our next meeting
     
      Yours respectfully,

      Lorain Blackwell

In loving memory of Lon C. Mitchell, Jr.

Tuesday June 1st my uncle Lon died from Liver cancer. The sickness took him with in 5 weeks of it's discovery. Cancer isn't something we think of as sudden death, but for him it kinda was. No one was suprised that he died but it shocked everyone that it was all over so fast! He had no cause, nothing he could have done to prevent it. The doctors said he was in a 1% of 1%.

His funeral was saturday June 5th. It hurt so much to sit there and listen to his wife, his 2 daughters, his son and his son in law all stand up and try so desperatly to convey to us how they felt. It had to be one of the hardest thing any of them ever did. But I understand why they had to do it. The strenght it took is something I will allways admire.

It wasn't my place to say something at the funeral but even if this is never read I do want to say something in memory of him...

...My uncle and I weren't what I considered particularly close but of all of my uncles he was the one who's repsect I sought the most. For some reason it never mattered as much if I made a mistake at a spades game as much with one of the others. Probably it was his reputation for being hard on you if you made mistakes. I remember a game where I was imformed that I was would be uncle Lon's partner. I made a joke about him being mean. I'm thinking it was something as simple as "aw but he's mean". My brother thinking he could mess with our team work laughingly told my unle what I'd said. "Meean?" he asked me. haha I can see the exact look he had on his face! I told him it was a joke but it didn't do any good. He spent the whole wrest of the night making sure I knew he was really just a big softy! He convinced me =)

I'll miss you uncle Lon! <3

Feature or Flaw?

Lie: Your strength make up for your faults
Truth: The devils all ways looks for short cuts

I remember reading a blog once, written for christian teens, that's main point was not being comfortable in your weaknesses. That's not the way they worded it but I that was the basic topic. It came to mind today while I was talking to my sister and got me thinking...I know I know..shocker.

We were talking about all her past "suitors" and she was saying how hard it was with each one of them. She was saying how easy it would have been to just lower her standards and settle for less so to speak. The conversation was being held while we were working so was picked up and dropped a few times, and went on a ton of rabbit trails, as only girl conversations can. But now (all most midnight) the thing we talked about that sticking in my head the most is when she said "It's like the devil used my weakness to try and keep from the relationship God had planned for me." she was refuring to the fact that she was naive when it came to male attention/flattery and could be blinded with it. I could easily go off on this but the point is not her past situation.

As Christians we are taught to look for the best in everyone and so frequently hear things like "Yeah he's rude, but at least he's honest" Then we not only use it to excuse others we excuse ourselves. "maybe I don't have enough faith but at least I'm not wishywashy."

Ok lets say we're right about ourselves and we know what we're good and bad at. Well chances are Satan knows too! And what do we know about Satan? What are the chances he's going to attack our strong areas? Does that sound like him?

I would think that he would target the area where we have the most trouble. Our weaknesses. And how much easier do we make it for him when we throw up our hands and say "I'm really bad about holding grudges." or "I'm not exactly the most patient person." If a team really is only as strong as it's weakest player then your shortcomings aren't just cute quirks guys. I'm confident if I work on them and pray about them instead of laughing them off I can over come them. It's pretty exciting thinking about all my fault I could make my strengths.

"...Love is all that matters after all..."

Car Rides

Ok so I actually wrote this blog about a week ago but then something on my acount was messed up and I had to reset it blah blah blah. But it's all fixed now and I got my one post back so here it is.
                                                                                                                                                                                      


Well here I am. Haines City Florida, writing my first post for this blog. I think it's fitting with the whole traveling writer thing. This'll be a short one cause it's nearly 2 and I'm exsausted but I do wanta throw something up and lable it my first post, so here goes...






Lie: Road trips are borring
Truth: Creativity is neglected


So you know all those facebook statuses sent from a phone that say 'So and so has been in the car for 10 hrs!!! sooo bored :(' or maybe just 'txt me!' These are the people that tell you car rides are boring.


I've always kept pretty quiet on the subject because honestly up until this trip I've never been on a more then 4 hour car ride. I love car trips but have always had this doubt in the back of my head that maybe that was just because I'd never been on that long of one and I would change my mind after the first 5 or 6 hours.


But now I'm here and I'm happy to report that I officially like car rides...yes even long ones ;) O and in case you were wondering..watching a movie is not classified as exercising creativity.


"...Love is all that matters after all..."


-Lorain